So I may have told a lie...

I admit it I have fallen off of the “keep my blog updated” wagon. I was going to try to write daily and look it has been weeks!! Shame on me!! Now that I have given myself a good scolding and told myself this is not acceptable behavior we can get on to the update all about me.

Writing everyday is not the only resolution that has been broken. So far this year I have told one lie. It was via text message and as soon as I hit send it was like a slow motion movie moment where I found myself looking at my phone shouting “nooooooo” and wishing I could take it all back, knowing it was too late. *sigh* It was not even anything to really lie about, but I did it. My son was not feeling well and he was super cranky, and instead of sending him to daycare Dad decided to stay home with him and it was my job to let P (aka Daycare) know he would not be there that morning. Instead of just sending a text that said “he is cranky and not feeling well so he is home today,” which is what I should have done, I texted the “f” word dreaded by all daycares everywhere – FEVER! Nothing will make a daycare person say “good keep your kid home” like the word fever. Why would I use of the F word even though my son was a healthy 98.6 you may be asking yourself. Well, we have an amazing daycare woman. She truly is the best, which only adds salt to the wound of my lie, having lied to a nice woman and all, and if I had only said that he didn’t feel well and was cranky the text exchange would have looked like this:

Me: Emerson doesn’t feel good today and is super cranky

P: Oh, I don’t mind watching him, I am sure he will be just fine

Me: No really he didn’t get enough sleep and he is a nightmare

P: I am sure it isn’t that bad, bring him by

Me: I think we are just going to keep him home, but thanks

P: Only if your sure, I really don’t mind

Me: I am sure, but thank you

P: ok fine see you tomorrow them

I was already having a rough morning because there had been so many tears and general crankiness and I did not feel like going through the above mentioned dance with wonderful P (who gets paid whether he is there or not, so she is genuinely this nice). I opted instead to use the fever word and our conversation when like this:

Me: We are going to keep Emerson home today he isn’t feeling well and has a fever

P: No problem see you guys tomorrow

Did I share all of this to justify my lie?? Perhaps…But regardless of the logic behind it I am still saying no lying… so maybe 2012 isn’t the year I told no lies, but it still could be the  year I only told one lie….. =)  And really, he did end up with a fever and ear infection later that day, so I suppose it wasn’t a total lie…

Today we went down to the University to buy a power cord for my MacBook Pro and do some fun over spending on clothes advertising the college I already spend a million dollars to attend. Speaking of spending a million dollars for something, my power cord was $80.00!! (Ok really 79.99, I am exercising my artist license and rounding.) I understand it is Apple, and I get that they do that, but really?? 80.00 for a power cord?!?

Ok, I am digressing. This is a post about how silly and adorable my son is. So as we are perusing the store Emerson picked out basically every obnoxious thing you think of – a pen that plays the fight song (which he ended up taking home), a giant foam finger, etc. but as we get to the check out he sees what is apparently the best of all gifts. A toaster. I guess in all fairness it does burn the logo of the college in every piece of bread but as my 2 year old son can not read I am not sure that fact was fully understood. To the non reading eye it  was a plain white toaster with a grey logo on the side. He runs to the toaster, picks it up and proceeds to explain to me that he “needs it.” I explain to him that he does not need a toaster and that we already have a toaster at home. In reply I get, “But Baby no have a toaster.” (Yes my child refers to himself in the third person as “Baby”. It is my fault – apparently Emerson is hard to say when you are two and Baby is not. What was I thinking during the naming process…) Anyways… After again explaining that he did not need a toaster and setting it back on the shelf he threw one of those “I am 2 and want a fucking toaster mom” tantrums like no other. The 19 year old boy checking us out kept apologizing and promising to check us out faster, while clumsily dropping things, forgetting how the scanner worked, and repeatedly entering the wrong information into the card machine. I suppose I can’t blame him as his brain was probably busy screaming at him, “And this why you use a condom EVERY TIME!!”

So the speediness of our cashier left me plenty of time to squat down and try to negotiate with my 2 year old, promising him everything except a toaster if he will just please stop screaming.

Me: “Emerson, look, momma got you a pen. It plays music. Wanna hold your pen?”

Him: “No, need a toaster.”

Me: “Here Emerson wanna hold this bag for momma?”

Him: “No, need a toaster.”

He is a tough negotiator and is notorious for not simply wanting an item but needing it. “What if momma shows you how to make toast on our toaster when we get home?” Crying stopped and as the last few tears streamed down his face I got an “Ok momma, show the baby how to make toast.”

We had a couple of other errands to run, and the chatter in the car all centered around how he was going to make toast when we got home. How I was going to show him how to make toast. How he loves toast. (I really had no idea to what extent until today.) The toast conversation seemed to be over in the bustle of unloading the car, until we sat down at the table for pizza. Emerson looked at me and said, “What about the toast?” Together we went into the kitchen. He picked out two pieces of bread and put them in the toaster. He pushed down the button and waited excitedly. I stood while he sat on the counter staring at the toaster and talking about how it was hot and we didn’t want to touch it. After it popped up we buttered the toast and put it on his plate. He was so excited about the entire thing it just made me laugh. He did not eat all of his pizza or breadstick but he did eat two pieces of toast he made himself.

This was my first Romanian film and I enjoyed it. It is about young woman named Eva and her family in communist Romanian up to and right after the fall of  Nicolae Ceausescu (the Communist Leader) directed by Catalin Mitulescu. It followed mostly her and her struggle to not only find herself the way most teenage women do but also how she fit into a severely restrictive society. She has two love interests throughout the film. Alex is the son of a communist police officer and the direction in which her parents are pushing her because of the perks being connected to a communist officer brings. The other is Andrei, a young man who is trying to escape Romania. There are many plot twists that include her being expelled from school and her own attempt to escape from Romania. Ultimately, Eva leaves Andrei right before he escapes Romania and returns to her family and their path for her with Alex. After the fall of Ceausescu and communism the perk of being connected in the communist government is gone, leaving Eva with the realization that coming of age and the discovering of one’s self can only be done by one’s self – the answers did not lie with any boy.

Mitulescu effectively portrays the bleakness of a communist Romania through the events that take place, the interactions of the children and adults in the film, the secret jokes told about the communist leader to make life bearable, the bareness of the walls in every building and even the dull, dirty, dark blue and black uniforms of the school children. There are also many long shots framed on either side causing the audience to want to follow the path of the story to what is hopefully a happier place.

The movie also spends some time with her younger brother and his childhood plots to be free and where he fits into this society. Overall I thought it was a classic tale of a coming of age story for a young girl just trying to figure it all out.

A lot of times people look at me funny when I explain that I am a Film Studies major. I think people don’t really have a clear concept of what that means or what the hell you can do with a degree in it, so I’ve decided to present a brief overview of what that means and how it pertains to me. Basically, Film Studies looks at films the way an English major would look at literature. You dissect films to attempt to find the messages and meanings the writer was trying to convey to the audience. Then you can look at these message in the context of the time when the film maker was telling their story, and how that impacts people. Sort of think about it like any English Lit class you have ever taken except you are watching the story instead of reading it.

Now what do I plan on doing with this wonderful degree of mine (once I have it)? I am hoping to teach Film Studies at a college level to other students pursuing the degree. I know a lot of Film Studies people have a particular passion and they have written books about Women Directors, International Film, etc. I am still exploring what it is I am going to choose to be passionate about, or what aspects I am going to focus on in regards to film. As part of this narrowing down process I have been trying to expose myself to as much “film stuff” as possible. This semester I am doing an independent study class where I am helping one of professors do research for a talk he is going to be giving on international film, specifically European countries. I asked him if there were some movies I should watch over break to start getting ready and he gave me a small list. In Heather fashion (waiting til the last minute) I just started watching them last night.

I think I am going to add a movies category, so I can keep a running list of the movies I watch this year, so be sure to check that out.

My Birthday!!

Yipppieee! It’s my birthday and I am 31, which I find oddly exciting, truth be told. I have never been the type of person who gets all bummed out about getting older. Instead, I try to focus on the idea that being one year older makes me one year wiser. Maybe I am only fooling myself, but even if that is the case I am ok with being fooled. I had a hard time throughout my 20′s, feeling let down by every birthday and thinking that anything short of a ticker tape parade held on the day in my honor was a disappointment. I now seem to be pretty comfortable with the idea of wearing pajamas, eating my favorite foods, and watching my favorite movies as an appropriate method of celebration – perhaps even the perfect way to spend the day celebrating my birth.

This time last year I was working in a cube farm, talking on the phone all day, having my soul sucked out with fluorescent lights and white noise. Now I am going to school full time pursuing degrees in Art and Film Studies, getting the chance to spend time with my son and writing for a website. If that doesn’t count as getting wiser, I am not sure what would. I am very grateful for the chance to make change in my life and to be pursuing something that I love.

I don’t think I can blog about my birthday and not reserve a small section for bitching about being born on or around a holiday. I know there are people who have it worse then me. My brother, for one, was born on December 23rd. I have distinct memories of being a child and “helping” my parents decide what christmas gift my brother would get a few days early. I complain about mine because it comes on the end of the holiday season. People are tired of getting together, tired of decorations, and tired of shopping and/or broke. I feel like my birthday is the Honorable Mention of the holiday season. I get a hat tip from most but no real trophy. This year I am getting my own present of an iPad, thank you student accounts and financial aide. I was also able to magically dictate to my boyfriend’s family that this year we are celebrating all January birthdays (there are four of us) at once by shooting each other with lasers. The chance to shoot lasers at family is yet another gift I am giving myself this year. Hooray for laser tag! Oh, and Happy Birthday to me.

New Years Resolution - to be a Super Hero!

So, I have officially joined the millions of other online users who are swearing that starting today they will be updating their blog regularly. Here it is – post one of hundreds to come this year, or so I am promising today. I was overcome this morning with the need to make a list of things I want to do this year, which is something I never do. I do not understand people’s need to make a list of things they want to get done only to forget about it mid-January and go back to living their lives pre-New Year. Maybe it is the ominous threat of the Mayans or the fact that I am turning 31 tomorrow, but I feel this optimism about 2012 that I am hoping to cling to throughout the year. I have this feeling that my life is my own making, and that it will be as full and amazing as I choose to make it.

So here it is, my list of “To Do’s” for 2012

1. Write more!! Write for my blog, write for websites, write for homework – write, write, write!!
2. Remember what it was I loved about Film and dive head first into it. Actually use college to learn and expand myself. Make it something that I am not simply surviving through for a degree, but something that opens doors for me and helps get me where I want to be.
3. Feeling less anxious about life, learning instead to relax and take things in stride.
4. Put myself on a schedule. The only way I will have time in the day to do everything I want to accomplish is if I make time to do it. I am important and so our my dreams so let’s get them done!
5. I almost hate to even write this one, but I would like to lose some weight, too. I would also like to say it is so I could be healthier, but really I just want to be skinnier.
6. Live my life honestly. One of my all time favorite phrases is Verum Fidens ~ Truth Without Fear. It is how I want to live my life. No more white lies because they seem easier or stretching of the truth.
7. Watch more movies, read more books, take more pictures, basically find those things in my life that make me smile and do more of them!
8. Be a Super Hero! Look good in spandex, help others, and generally do what I can to better humanity.

There it is, my list for 2012. Wherever this coming year finds you I hope that you have your own list, even if it isn’t written down, of things to strive for that inspire you. And if the Mayans are right, your days are numbered so get off your butt and get them done!! =)